I eat fireworks.

2010-12-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

heartache

2010-08-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

insomnia is eating me alive

my thoughts are electric shocks that keep me awake at night

2010-07-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.
we must do this until we crumble and fall.

2010-05-07T21:31:00.000-07:00

The weight of you crashing on the bed is like an explosion of paper cranes crumbleing in my head

2010-04-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

If silence is a weakness

then I am weak

the weakest.

2010-01-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

Growing old in a feeling of tight Suffocated air, Something that Squeeze you So much that you can barely breathe, all of my words are the Same like a musical box that won't Shut up when all of it's StringS are fractured and it just makes this awful broken Sound

2009-12-13T23:32:00.001-08:00

we grew old in this bed, we lye here in a pure sadness holding hands and whispering secrets in to each others ears
ones that haven't been told before

monitoring the moments, the silence

2009-12-13T23:25:00.000-08:00

you walk in to a one room apartment that turns in to a maze you can't find yourself or the way out, your in that pretty night gown with the lace and your frown looks like a glitter filled sky, you start singing that silent song you sing in your head and you dance like no one is watching with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of red in the other.

quiet now, little one.

2009-12-03T23:17:00.001-08:00

makenosense makesense
These pills make you feel absolutely numb, so fragile and still.
Some times i can't even remember if i've taken a breath in the last hour
it's good though, to feel nothing at all, i'm like a space cadet
or a special kind of human with super powers
who can turn on and off at anytime that it pleases.

it covers most of the pain up like a band aid on a bloody knee.
you can walk down a street and feel nothing at all
drag your fingers accross the bricks on the walls and avoid getting hurt
the people who pass you will always walk in slow motion
like a movie that's meant to make you feel spaced out or something.
I guess watching those beatings on your mother when your a child gives you some sort of brain damage that finds a spot in your head and just hides there until you feel sad enough to think about it all again.
it feels like a bomb has just reached it's peek and in that split second you know everthing is over for the next two hours and everyone you speak will hurt more than the last.

2009-11-29T23:05:00.000-08:00

feeling fragile like porcelain waiting for the gloom to fade, waiting to tumble into another world a little less dull, waiting to escape this city, waiting for the moon to drag me through the stars and galaxys, waiting for the floor boards to crack, waiting for the sadness to eat itself up, waiting for these walls to fall apart, waiting for the mess to clean itself, waiting ..waiting, waiting. awaiting these endless seconds, waiting for him to blow holes in my brain until i cannot think another thought.

2009-11-27T03:18:00.000-08:00

staring at the speck's of dust that come out of the projector at the cinema, being more fascinated at that then what's on the big screen, i'll sit for two hours thinking up story's about other galaxy's

2009-11-04T20:15:00.000-08:00

You can never holiday because your always stuck with yourself
and crawling out of this mood is a fucking battle field
you want to explode every time you speak
every word you say & every thought you think
is from a fairytale book which has been perfectly written
inside your head
and pretending is the only thing your good at

secrets are forever

2009-11-04T04:50:00.000-08:00

2009-10-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

This forever please

weeping willows won't you wallow louder

2009-10-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Hold your breath and count to ten fall apart then start again
this keeps playing in my head on repeat just like when Xiaver died
with the organ tone repeating it's self, but worse.
I have no place here
and I'm excisting merely by air.
waiting for these seconds to produce something wonderful
all by themselfs.
My motivation is like being drowned in a pool of rocks
i'm just stuck here
....waiting.

2009-10-14T00:33:00.001-07:00

How do you delete everything all at once
without deleting a thing
erase these endless seconds
refresh a mind
kill a thought, eat a windmill
I don't belong here or there
I'll walk on the sidewalk
and my body will drift to the road
I feel like vomiting horrible colors
horrible words horrible thoughts horrible feelings
I'll sleep until it's good again

2009-10-02T19:24:00.001-07:00

So tired of these
years
months
days
hours
minutes
seconds
they
all
seem
to
melt into each other

can we run away? Hide and become nothing more than the grass in the ground.
just you and me together
kissing the cracks between the grass in the ground
we can lye here forever

2009-09-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

2009-09-25T01:13:00.000-07:00

liquid hands lacey rib cages & a hyper coloured dress, all the figments are fragmented

No time for mattering, no space for space

2009-09-23T03:36:00.000-07:00

Big gun shots from Polar bears

2009-09-07T05:19:00.000-07:00

Day dreaming about white horses with brilliant white teeth

crystal clear waters, with glitter underneath

I've been thinking up tales of the big blue above,

with fairy floss colored rain clouds

and secret butterfly love.

My voicebox is the Devil, my thoughts can eat shit.

2009-07-20T02:45:00.000-07:00

2009-07-16T01:06:00.000-07:00

I feel so small in this gigantic cluster of stars

like a single grain of sand, mirrored by it's own image

Please do something outragous, out of the ordanairy, fantastic

to make me smile, to get me excited, to make this fractured earth feel okay to be excisting in.

I've been walking through all the cities hoping to find something to make me smile, but everything is so stale,

stale air I am breathing in, no tastes in my mouth, everything smells of cigerettes and I have no storys to tell.

I'm okay when I can speak, but it feels like my mouth has been super glued for the past month

2009-07-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

Listening to Bob Dylan in pa pa's red jag

smoking cigars like we're all fancy and shit

he gave me his viynl from his old band The Models
sex, drugs and rock'n'roll
heroin ruins your life
woo hoo

spending time with my dad is the most blissful part of my life

Tiny Heart Shaped Infinite Creature

2009-06-18T02:01:00.000-07:00

Someone please shoot me in the head, thank you.

fancy tiny cot's

2009-06-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

I ran out of reasons for careing about anything
took acid and crawled into a bed where shadows were having roush sex on the walls.
catching fragments from my brains it's frozen like icelands coldest winter and I'm so trapped here like glue to a broken chair, I feel like I can't hide from anything anymore.

I don't care, let's hide.

2009-01-11T02:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the absense is persistent

2009-01-11T02:05:00.000-08:00

I like wolf's because their so tough with their big teeth, I wish I was scary.
I'm sick of full sentances, I think I give up on writeing books, my mind is so mild and i can only focus on something for a short time, I wish I could stay focused
replace my mind?
I'm scared for the future
scared I won't be able to funtion without him.
I feel like coughing up all my emotions into a big hair ball of hatred sometimes.

I used to write about pressing my fingers on wet window cills and feeling alone
in ways I wish I still could, but whatevz you know

Glassy Glittered High Heels

2009-01-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

I walked down the street with my over-sized high heeled bow tied shoes and false footsteps
I lied to the direction in which I was walking in
I said we'll be there soon if only you keep walking your footsteps will lead you to places where there are galaxy's so close to your eyes that they burn holes through your hollow brain so you piss rainbow vomit for weeks.
I kept walking in search of it peaking down abandoned alley ways and wondering where this place of magical being was.

My feet grew tired and and were pissing out blood from my shoes being to gigantic so I tied the bow around my wrists and they dragged on the ground like I was a prisioner
I left a trail of glitter behind from where my shoes had dragged, it made me smile and gave me hope.

I stopped at a corner store which evidently ended up being a drug infused fairy palace, I asked if I was close to this mysterious world of wonderous things
and they told me to follow my imagination and it will guide me through all of the horrible situations and misfortunes reality will drown me in.

They sold bikes here, and my feet were terribly sore from my journey so I pulled out my last pennys and bought a dull green beamer, it was the most beautiful bike i'd ever seen and I knew we'd adventure through many lands together
I called her Leeny, because when I rode she would always venture to one side of the road

Insomnia

2008-11-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

Driveing through rain clouds
falling in and out of conciousness
I'm suffocating myself without sleep
my eyes are red buffy clouds of death
weep weep fucking weep.

2008-11-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

My life is messy and disorganised like grandmas old sewing table
but I seen to know my way around, to find what i need
even though I can't see it, I know how to get to it.

Lights, midnight bites and lavender

2008-10-19T03:11:00.001-07:00

Typeing contemplating then deleting anything with the thought of you
like a mind surgery
I want to erase these thoughts of you
I want to fly to the moon and catch all the stars in my pockets on the way up and use them for magical powers to fix the mess everyones made.
Coffee highs
I can't shed tears or cry
tonight's the night tonight's the night
I want to try but I'm to weak to fragile to make a movement or speak
cure me.

2008-09-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

2008-08-26T00:54:00.000-07:00

I'll sing to you from a sickness
smothered by a blanket fort
of an imagination jumping
from your my mind to yours
I'm sick of these countless seconds
I don't want our minds to entwine

2008-08-03T03:41:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to catch the light on my window cill but it keeps getting faded out by the shadows

discontent with these emotions

so i'm disconnecting myself from them all

2008-07-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Writeing your name on icey window cells like I'm twelve again
trying to pick up the peices when I can't even put down the pen

Coffee Stained Lip's & Cigerettes & Fingertip's

2008-07-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

The world is so moudly,

and my room is getting so damn small that it's like a bat cave

and I'm here hanging from my ceiling waiting to fall and crash and crumble again.

Everything remind's me of him and I can't delete a thing.

I am the loose echo in your voicebox

2008-07-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

Chain smoking cigerettes at 5 A.m because I couldn't sleep

glassy glitter tear stained eye lashs.

My minds filled with jitters & cracked bones,

emotions, feelings,thoughts

and I literrally feel ill inside

just thinking about him..

I was scared because you were dissolveing in front of me.

2008-07-07T03:46:00.000-07:00

Smokeing ma's burnt out cigerette butt's

searching for a headspin within something, anything.

My brain keeps yelling and everything is so loud

I just want to to fade out so I can excist again

An organ is playing the same beats

over and over again inside my head

Xaiver is gone, I never had a chance to meet him

he would have brightend my thoughts

and made everything seem less empty

My mouth tastes like an ashtray

I don't mind.

2008-07-05T03:40:00.000-07:00

Creating subtances to disolve my bones and disappear

Leaves and dirty wool

2008-06-26T02:41:00.000-07:00

Can we camp out where noone else knows, forever

Hide and become nothing more then the grass in the ground?

Danceing with the figments of our imaginations

just you and me together.

kissing the spaces between the cracks of seperation, I feel so numb inside.

2008-06-22T03:07:00.000-07:00

Trying to find beauty in this endless black hole

I want to walk down a street and admire all the beauty not the defects

I don't want to excist here, I just want to disappear.

2008-06-16T01:57:00.001-07:00

.

2008-05-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

If you believe in something long enough then it almost becomes real.

I feel trapped inside of an imaginary life time with only myself and the creatures that I make up and paint inside of my head.

I tried to work a normal job but I felt so out of it, like fainting or collapsing just so i didn't have to speak to people.

I quit life, fuck society & realism.

I want to hide inside of a box and only see the people I imagine and just write journals

and paint pictures of them forever.

Invisibility cloak

2008-05-14T03:55:00.000-07:00

My body is decaying & sinking like quick sand, I can barely even feed myself anymore.

I'm becomeing an illusive thought, nothing more.

All of these emotions are eating my insides

I don't want to die, I do want to die.

Why can't there be a footpath

some sort of thought process

to stop me from dissappearing so quickly.

how long until distance becomes a choice?

2008-04-26T18:11:00.000-07:00

I post my thoughts and feelings and secrets here more than I should, so I'm going to stop for a bit,

and hand write my secrets and write people stories and send them via little letters in their mail boxes.

I can't watch T.V anymore without feeling lonely or sad, it hurts my brain and my heart.

My anxiety is biteing me on the ass again, and my ever so annoying jitters are back, and I'm nervous all the time.

But i'm fighting it and hideing away until I'm better, it's hard and I can feel myself crumbleing.

I'm off all of my pills almost and I can slowly feel myself dissapearing and reappearing in diffrent ways.

I want to create a space ship and fly us away and meet the monsters that created us, and feel my feet sinking into the moon rather than these grass stained socks.

Distance in a thought, in a feeling.

2008-04-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'll draw us together by the firework & friction in our fingers

Falling in and out of thoughts and shivers and suffocateing them with blanket forts.

I want endless seconds with you.

2008-04-20T03:07:00.001-07:00

Searching for words to speak inside a broken voicebox
I can't hide this anxiety inside, it hurts.
I'm out of the loop with everything 4evz

Geisha love.

2008-04-09T02:46:00.001-07:00

Film post

2008-04-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

Another polaroid post.x

2008-04-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

A real thought is a mission.

2008-04-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

Days are endless disasters, I'm a building on fire and i'm burning like tear stained windows

You're invisable my love.

2008-03-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

Stepping foot steps right in front of yours, trying to get you to see mine

but you don't see them anymore.

Winter wonderland.

2008-03-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'm frozen in this winter wonder land, I can't melt myself and appear in your reality again.

Writeing with smoked stained finger tips; i've become so amune to this feeling.

Jumping from world to world, I only find more confusion from inside of myself.

I can't hide or stay still, I need to keep moving to keep myself from getting hurt.

So in love.

2008-03-14T16:47:00.000-07:00

John Galliano is the best thing thats ever happend to fashion. ^.^

+ Irana Lazareanu is just the cutest little peach.

Winter when you come, hold my hand.

2008-03-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

Floor boards, Silence, cold air, stories, cuddles, spooning, wool everything, nose kisses, bright eyes, writing about brain freezes, shiver like timber, cold toes, knitted scalfs, gloves, leg warmers, you sleeping in, heaters, is sadness, freezing fingers,beautiful lonely nights,

Missing beats.

2008-03-09T19:40:00.001-07:00

I can feel my body slowly sinking like a water filled ship and becoming amune to this pain.

I can't feel the hurt that I'm supose to, you've become so obvious now.

I want to run so far, but it gets me nowhere so I just tie my feet down to the floor boards that you provide

and stick with it.

I want crystle rock colored dresses.

2008-03-08T00:36:00.001-08:00

Not knowing peoples secrets frustrates the vains in my throbbing head, I want to know every inch about everyone without them knowing that I know, or even want to...

I have secrets stuffed so far down my throat that they'll never come out.
I just want to cough up a big hair ball of secrets for you and tell you everything, but it hurt's my body to write or even think them, so i won't.

I've had the same three best friend's for over 3 years now, I'm so scared of letting anyone else know thing's about me.People think they know but they don't, they just like to pretend like me.

PRTAY!

2008-03-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ant bites.

2008-03-04T22:12:00.000-08:00

Bear hides & Buffalo

2008-03-04T02:50:00.000-08:00

Qi Gang.

2008-03-04T02:27:00.000-08:00

Qi Gang is an amazing chinese conture fashion designer, check out his collection.

Decay.

2008-03-01T02:23:00.000-08:00

I've been living inside of my room for days now, slowly decaying and disappearing,
I almost look as invisable as I feel.

Japan! Japan!

2008-02-29T23:14:00.000-08:00

More images.

2008-02-19T03:05:00.000-08:00

These are not mine..They just explain feelings that I feel (or want to feel).

Polaroids.

2008-02-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

Expired Polaroid films.

2008-02-06T16:44:00.000-08:00

Beautiful images that I can't not share.

2008-02-06T04:32:00.000-08:00