Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Deep brain stimulation involves the implantation of electrodes within the brain which are connected with wires to a electronic impulse generator implanted in the chest. This "brain pacemaker" then emits a current which stimulates a specific area of the brain, in this case a location called the habenula.

The habenula, according to the report, is a location next to the brain stem responsible for control of three major neurotransmitter systems which are believed to be involved in depression.

The researchers received accidental confirmation of the operation's success when the device was switched off during preparation for a unrelated surgical procedure and then no one remembered to turn it back on for several days. The patient's depression immediately returned, but then abated once the brain stimulation was resumed.

Another larger study is planned with hopes that it will prove that stimulation of the habenula is both safe and more effective than stimulation of other brain locations in relieving treatment resistant depression. If it proves effective, this could be wonderful news for those who have struggled to find a treatment that helps them.

She died last Winter and the sadness that it holds eat at my brain. Pretend to be numb, pretend to be dead, pretend to be asleep but feel every single emotion hitting you like a ton of bricks.

Nothing ever gets better, it just get more numb.. You end up numbing your brain so much that you can barely even think a real thought or conjure up a full sentence.
I don't want to speak or know people, because human beings constantly disappoint you anyway.

There are that many thoughts replaying in my brain that I could make a thousand movies out of them and still have story's to tell.
The endless stream of consciousness that breaks you
" She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating it's numerous strands, appreciating it's subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into it's infinite spectrum"
Lets sleep in a forest and watch the sun rise between the trees;
I can hear you whisper through the cracks in the floor boards; so I lay flat down face to the ground
I've felt the weight of this depression lying full length across my body for far to long.
"Get better, feel better, think real thoughts, get involved in reality, speak to people more, stop living inside your own head"
We are all sick beyond repair, but this is real. She is slowly dieing and I'm just sitting here watching her disappear in front of me, getting sicker and sicker as the days go by.
She can barely breathe and it's clenching at my stomach like you wouldn't believe. I want to make her better, I want to see her live a normal childhood but I'm not watching her grow or get well, I'm watching her decay and fade away. I spend my nights waiting for the illusive phone call to tell me that her pain has finally ended, and every time I hear that phone ring, my whole body freezes and my world stops.
My life is strange and is filled with a sadness that I will never understand. I still have the same feelings as when I was 11. disconnected from reality, alone, unable to connect with people, numbing myself with sleep, then lack of sleep for days, nightmares, craving attention, craving to be alone, then the lonely feeling again. My mind is a giant cluster of every thought that I refuse to think.