makenosense makesense These pills make you feel absolutely numb, so fragile and still. Some times i can't even remember if i've taken a breath in the last hour it's good though, to feel nothing at all, i'm like a space cadet or a special kind of human with super powers who can turn on and off at anytime that it pleases.
it covers most of the pain up like a band aid on a bloody knee. you can walk down a street and feel nothing at all drag your fingers accross the bricks on the walls and avoid getting hurt the people who pass you will always walk in slow motion like a movie that's meant to make you feel spaced out or something. I guess watching those beatings on your mother when your a child gives you some sort of brain damage that finds a spot in your head and just hides there until you feel sad enough to think about it all again. it feels like a bomb has just reached it's peek and in that split second you know everthing is over for the next two hours and everyone you speak will hurt more than the last.
feeling fragile like porcelain waiting for the gloom to fade, waiting to tumble into another world a little less dull, waiting to escape this city, waiting for the moon to drag me through the stars and galaxys, waiting for the floor boards to crack, waiting for the sadness to eat itself up, waiting for these walls to fall apart, waiting for the mess to clean itself, waiting ..waiting, waiting. awaiting these endless seconds, waiting for him to blow holes in my brain until i cannot think another thought.
staring at the speck's of dust that come out of the projector at the cinema, being more fascinated at that then what's on the big screen, i'll sit for two hours thinking up story's about other galaxy's
You can never holiday because your always stuck with yourself and crawling out of this mood is a fucking battle field you want to explode every time you speak every word you say & every thought you think is from a fairytale book which has been perfectly written inside your head and pretending is the only thing your good at
Hold your breath and count to ten fall apart then start again this keeps playing in my head on repeat just like when Xiaver died with the organ tone repeating it's self, but worse. I have no place here and I'm excisting merely by air. waiting for these seconds to produce something wonderful all by themselfs. My motivation is like being drowned in a pool of rocks i'm just stuck here ....waiting.
How do you delete everything all at once without deleting a thing erase these endless seconds refresh a mind kill a thought, eat a windmill I don't belong here or there I'll walk on the sidewalk and my body will drift to the road I feel like vomiting horrible colors horrible words horrible thoughts horrible feelings I'll sleep until it's good again
I ran out of reasons for careing about anything took acid and crawled into a bed where shadows were having roush sex on the walls. catching fragments from my brains it's frozen like icelands coldest winter and I'm so trapped here like glue to a broken chair, I feel like I can't hide from anything anymore.
I like wolf's because their so tough with their big teeth, I wish I was scary. I'm sick of full sentances, I think I give up on writeing books, my mind is so mild and i can only focus on something for a short time, I wish I could stay focused replace my mind? I'm scared for the future scared I won't be able to funtion without him. I feel like coughing up all my emotions into a big hair ball of hatred sometimes.
I used to write about pressing my fingers on wet window cills and feeling alone in ways I wish I still could, but whatevz you know
I walked down the street with my over-sized high heeled bow tied shoes and false footsteps I lied to the direction in which I was walking in I said we'll be there soon if only you keep walking your footsteps will lead you to places where there are galaxy's so close to your eyes that they burn holes through your hollow brain so you piss rainbow vomit for weeks. I kept walking in search of it peaking down abandoned alley ways and wondering where this place of magical being was.
My feet grew tired and and were pissing out blood from my shoes being to gigantic so I tied the bow around my wrists and they dragged on the ground like I was a prisioner I left a trail of glitter behind from where my shoes had dragged, it made me smile and gave me hope.
I stopped at a corner store which evidently ended up being a drug infused fairy palace, I asked if I was close to this mysterious world of wonderous things and they told me to follow my imagination and it will guide me through all of the horrible situations and misfortunes reality will drown me in.
They sold bikes here, and my feet were terribly sore from my journey so I pulled out my last pennys and bought a dull green beamer, it was the most beautiful bike i'd ever seen and I knew we'd adventure through many lands together I called her Leeny, because when I rode she would always venture to one side of the road